Countdown to launch - part 1

Blog Change Chronic illness Compromise Life changing mental health

Just thinking about creating a website is one of the most daunting things I think I've ever done. You see, I'm a perfectionist. But I also have a few pesky chronic health conditions. Everything has to be successful, world beating, business planned, award winning.....all of which is very hard work......and that is no longer a thing I'm able to do, much to my ongoing sadness.

In the early days of my illness, when I was working happily in a job I really enjoyed, I had to make some small adjustments, ask for help, accept help, which is never easy for a perfectionist! We tried all sorts of strategies to let me keep going but, over time, things became so bad and I was so ill that I was I told I couldn't work and had to go on long term sick leave, hopefully to get well enough to return in a year or so.

At first all I could focus on was when would I get better and go back to work (I loved my job, loved it). I had a role in a great company where I could really make a difference, I felt valued and appreciated. Over time it seemed that things weren't going to improve radically in a year, the idea of a magical new wonder drug was just a dream and no matter how much I wanted to be better, I was at the mercy of my physical limitations, my disabilities. But I still hope.

I wanted to find something productive I could do but when I attempted to create a website to sell the things I'd made, I planned an epic production! I started to try and build one, battled brain fog and memory loss with much cursing, got exhausted, tried again, got frustrated, tried again with a different package, got angry and depressed and then gave the whole thing up. And fell into a slough of despond, big time.

Then, with my excellent GP's help, through counselling and the support of some wonderful friends, I was able to begin slowly accepting my limitations and, although it took a long time and a lot of effort, I began to see things differently. And to wonder whether there was a way for me to make a difference again, however small, a way that looked very different to me, a way that would be "good enough".

For me, any success is huge. To other people, walking five steps more than you did yesterday is a "so what?" But to me it's an achievement. Sometimes getting out of bed in the morning is an achievement; sometimes finishing a piece of jewellery that has taken me three hours with frequent rest stops to make is an achievement, even though it should only take a quarter of an hour.......but so what? It's good enough.

So my goals are small things, but none the less precious - like jewels they are relatively small but to me they're invaluable. All of which has led me to now, when I made my decision to begin Sparkly Pretty Things in a different way, to create a little, simple website that was "good enough" and had a heart. To support other people going through similar situations and illnesses, by raising money, however little, for charities which help them.

It might not be an exciting, striking or award winning website, but to me it means the world.

I hope you like it.

LINDA x

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